my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
