Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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