I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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