it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
