Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
