I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
