the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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