what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
