I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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