wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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