11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
