watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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