chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
