And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Still dying that you shit outside
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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