Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
