You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
