If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
