Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
