I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
