We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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