Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When are your genitals available?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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