I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
