i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
