I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
