We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
