you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
