I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
