So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
