I looked at my own cervix.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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