She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
