my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
