Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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