You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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