i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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