I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
