Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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