I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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