And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
