I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
