I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
