I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it's like iHOP with fire
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
