My cat gives me a boner
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
