I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
