dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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