somebody snuck up and got me drunk
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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