Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
