yo everyone went to the hospital last night
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
