He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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