his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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