I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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