I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
as a side note pls kill me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
