He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
